“The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naïve forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.”- Thomas Szasz
Forgiveness is a state of mind which allows us to live in peace with whatever terrible affliction has been caused to us. Forgiveness allows us to be understanding and move on from the dark state we had previously been suspended in. However forgiving does not mean we forget what happened to us.
Forgive and Forget?
Sometimes when a tragedy has befallen us or an injustice, we can find ourselves stuck in a rut, unable to move on with our life. We can stay in limbo for a long time, unable to forgive or forget.
However, research shows that the effects of holding a grudge can be detrimental to your health, both mentally and physically. This is because when we become mentally weakened, this manifests itself on our physical well-being. When we are mentally at peace, our bodies, as a result, are healthier and stronger.
The benefits of forgiveness are wonderful. Once you are able to see the situation from a different standpoint, you can feel stronger and believe in yourself that you are a survivor. It all begins with forgiving yourself first.
To achieve a step forward and let go of your grudges try the following:
- Ask yourself what you want to achieve by holding onto the grudge and imagine the long term effects of taking revenge.
- Think of letting the anger go in another type of format, such as a power walk or punching a pillow.
- Try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and tell yourself how sad it is that this ungrateful person cannot appreciate the wonders of life. Instead he/she is out violating the code of conduct. If they carry on like this, of course they will receive a lesson in life. By that time, hopefully you won’t care less.
Forgiveness is something for you to ease your own feelings. It does not necessarily mean that the other person has got away with what they did to you. That person is learning life lessons of their own.
It may look to you as if they are living their life carelessly and no punishment has been dished out to them. However, what you cannot see is possibly the internal regrets they have and the hurt they are probably going through due to something else. People who are calm and at peace with themselves do not hurt others on purpose.
When others hurt you, they usually do it unintentionally or they are not at peace with themselves internally (tortured souls as you can refer to them). When we are in harmony with the world around us, we try not to hurt anyone.
If someone has really hurt you, the best revenge is to get on with your life as if you are unaffected by what happened. This is your life and you make it what it is so choose to make it a good one.
Once you learn to forgive, you ease your own burden. Allow an adequate amount of time to pass and for your natural emotions to settle down before attempting to forgive. The more forgiving you become, the more peaceful you become.