An extract from “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” by John Gray from the male perspective:
The Hidden Reason He is Arguing
- “I don’t like it when she gets upset over the smallest things I do or don’t do. I feel criticized, rejected and unaccepted.”
- “I don’t like it when she starts telling me how I should do things. I don’t feel admired. Instead I feel like I am being treated like a child.”
- “I don’t like it when she blames me for her unhappiness. I don’t feel encourages to be her knight in shining armour.”
- “I don’t like it when she complains about how much she does or how unappreciated she feels. It makes me feel unappreciated for the things I do for her.”
- I don’t like it when she worries about everything that could go wrong. I don’t feel trusted.”
- “I don’t like it when she expects me to do things or talk when she wants me to. I don’t feel accepted or respected.”
- I”I don’t like it when she feels hurt by what I say. I feel mistrusted, misunderstood and pushed away.”
- “I don’t like when she expects me to read her mind. I can’t It makes me feel bad or inadequate.”
What He Needs Not to Argue
- He needs to feel accepted just the way he is. Instead he feels she is trying to improve him.
- He needs to feel admired. Instead he feels put down.
- He needs to feel encouraged. Instead he feels like giving up.
- He needs to feel appreciated. Instead he feels blamed, unacknowledged and powerless.
- He needs to feel trusted and appreciated for his contribution to her security. Instead he feels responsible for her anxiety.
- He needs to feel to accepted just the way he is. Instead he feels controlled or pressurized to talk and thus has nothing to say. It makes him feel that he can never satisfy her.
- He needs to feel accepted and trusted. Instead he feels rejected and unforgiven.
- He needs to feel approved of and accepted. Instead he feels like a failure.
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