Afraid to let go

It wasn’t that I didn’t love you

for surely I loved you too much.

It wasn’t that I hated you,

even though sometimes I could barely tolerate you.

It was much more than all that.

It wasn’t even your annoying habits

– they were just a smokescreen to escape all that.

It wasn’t the things you did to hurt me and all that.

I barely managed to tolerate that.

I don’t know what it was really – I couldn’t quite let go of that.

I had enough in the end I suppose.

The lying and the cheating – it was more pain than you were worth.

I met you so long ago in my distant past.

Let me go now – I beg of you.

I live with this memory – time to move on.

I am all alone – bound by your invisible ties.

What do you call this relationship – a failure or a total loss?

We cannot live together yet we know we’ll always be apart.

You never understood me for I have never opened the door to my heart.

I will learn to let go eventually but when I don’t know how.

Hey, I am barely hanging by a thread.

Strangers in the midst – someone new and yet we still persist!

It will never work so we have to let it go.

You tell me you have moved on and I copy your sentiment,

so why do I find it so hard to sleep at night?

Truly we are both alone. Oh but why?

What was I thinking when I left you just before those unspoken vows?

Can you ever forgive me?

Can we still have those emotional ties?

It was always your fault when we were together.

We just couldn’t see eye to eye.

And so it was, we parted ways. Amicably, at first that was.

Then the rot set in, because we couldn’t let go.

A pain in my heart, feeling like it was forever.

You’ll never understand, that’s why the barrier is still up.

All this pain because we are afraid to let go and start afresh.

By Ms April Showers

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