How to Change Your Life by Benjamin Bonetti

Two extracts from Benjamin Bonetti’s book entitled “How to Change Your Life” published by Capstone:

  1. The importance of being “the real you”.
  2. The Four Stages of Learning

“Be what you are. This is the first step toward becoming better than you are.”

The Real You…

When defining the real you, and breaking down your real purpose, it’s like that you’ll discover a mix of two or perhaps more “people” within a single description. These are the “characters” that make up your personality. However, your mind can become confused when being too many people… imagine trying to rehearse for a play and having to remember the scripts for two or three people; how long do you think it would be before the message became jumbled and one turned into the other? You conscious, mind works in a similar way, so it makes sense to simplify things by effectively reducing the number of “characters” you have, combining all of the positive traits in each character to form the true you.

Change is Good

Change is Good

The Four Stages of Learning

This is the name given to a theory developed by Noel Burch at Gordon Training International in California in the 1970s.

Stage 1 – Subconscious Incompetence

In this stage, you are unaware of your incompetence so, in other words, you don’t know that you don’t know. You may be completely unaware or you may believe that the knowledge or skill you don’t have is something you don’t need; you’re unaware of the positive benefits it could bring into your life. It only becomes possible to progress beyond this stage when you recognize for yourself that there’s something you don’t know and realize the benefits of changing your status through learning.

“Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge.” – Charles Darwin.

Stage 2 – Conscious Incompetence

In this stage, you haven’t acquired the new knowledge or skill but you recognize the benefits of acquiring it. It’s having an understanding of the benefits that not only allows you to begin the learning process, but also to accept the inevitable process of trial and error you’re likely to go through on the way to acquiring it.

Stage 3 – Conscious Competence

In this stage, you have gained the new knowledge or earned the new skill but applying or practicing it takes concentrated effort; you’re effectively still learning and embedding the new pattern or “setting the stone” through careful and deliberate repetition.

Stage 4 – Subconscious Competence

In this stage, the new knowledge or skill can be applied without consciously thinking about it and the learned pattern is now so firmly embedded that it can be demonstrated effortlessly. Any knowledge or skill you have acquired to the level of subconscious competence id something that feels like second nature to you.

Knowledge in this sense is power.

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20 Steps on How to Succeed with People by Paul McGee

20 Steps to Success with People

20 Steps to Success with People

Recently I read a fantastic no nonsense and thoroughly straightforward book by Paul McGee entitled “How to Succeed with People”. It was such a lovely,easy read and before I knew it I had reached the finish line! I would like to share with you some of the basic points which Paul makes and which resonated well with my evolving into a more confident and well motivated person.

All this despite the fact that I have been a recluse most of my life and even my daughter has described me as “lacking social manners!” I tried to argue this point but to no avail…anyway on a practical note lets go on to read about….

How to be a People Magnet

Remarkably easy ways to engage, influence and motivate almost anyone:

1. People Cannot be Fixed.

In many cases we can only support or help people but we cannot fix them. Even though many of us would love to fix other people, we can only change and moderate our own thinking and behaviour. At best we are able to influence people, not fix them.

2. SAD Self Awareness Deficiency Syndrome

I can instantly relate with this. We as individuals cannot accurately assess our own self-awareness simply because this area highlights the lack of self-awareness. We can however assess the feedback we receive from others and decide where we can improve ourselves.

3. Some People won’t Change

Or refuse to change as the case may be. You just have to accept this and also I think we can decide to ask ourselves, “Am I willing to change?”

4. Intelligent People do Stupid Things

Yes this is true as intelligence has little to do with our actions. When many of us are drowned is stressful situations, we can have a tendency to revert to old behaviour which does not serve us well and can in fact hinder our progress.

5. You Get What You Tolerate

If you put up with bad behaviour you get back continued bad behaviour. As individuals we can set the standard of acceptable behaviour we choose to tolerate. Otherwise it is easy to become a victim to bad treatment from other people.

6. Humiliation is for Amateurs

Humiliating other people is certainly an unacceptable form of feedback. Usually those who chose to humiliate are insecure themselves, lacking the ability to give a fellow human the respect they deserve. Or in some instances the humiliating person may lack the social skills needed to interact suitably.

7. Being Nice Won’t Always Work

Sometimes you have to put your foot down. When we are nice all the time to everyone, we can easily be taken advantage of in which case you have to be blunt and protect yourself against the not so good people out these.

8. It Takes Two to Tango

Take responsibility for your actions and behaviour because it is not always the fault of the other person. Ask yourself what you may have said or done to produce the reaction you are receiving from the other person or what difficult situation that person may be feeling at that given moment.

9. No Investment Always Guarantees No Return

Don’t expect something if you have not invested in anything. If you want a good return then you must be prepared to invest your time and effort at the very least to get a return of any kind.

10. Set High but Realistic Expectations

Be real and combine this with your high expectations and dreams. If you set too high expectations you are in actual fact setting yourself up for failure.

11. Let Sleeping Dogs Lie

Sometimes you just have to let things be the way they are and not disturb. Weigh up if it is worth wasting your energy on something not quite worthwhile.

12. Attitude Matters

Yes it does and you will know this for certain if you have been reading this blog on a regular basis! Go type in attitude in the search box!

13. Let Go of the Need to be Right

It is preferable and tempting to be right but do you really need to prove this point? If you are right  and you know you are right, does it always matter that the rest of the world needs to know this?

14. Treat People the Way They Want to be Treated

Believe it or not, it is not the wish of everyone to be treated as you wish to be treated. Of course the basic aspects such as kindness to others are universal but needless to say treating other people differently is due to each person’s individual preferences differing considerably from one another.

15. Get Involved in other People’s Worlds

Getting involved in the world of another person takes you away from your own issues and problems. It also allows you to connect with the other person at their level and not only to understand them better but to be able to sympathise when they experience difficulties.

16. Learn to use Constructive Criticism

It is very easy to offer advice and be critical of others but instead of hurting the feelings of others learn to use tactful approaches. Criticism can be positive feedback when it is constructive. Any other form tends to only hurt people.

17. Listen to Other People

This is good communication skill and helps other people to get along with you better. By listening you show respect and understanding. You are in a better placed to make informed decisions simply because you understand and know what is going on around you.

18. Make People feel S.P.E.C.I.A.L

Each initial stands for something significant which is self explanantory: 1. Serve, 2. Personalised, 3. Encourage,      4. Courtesy, 5. Interest, 6. Appreciation, 7. Listen.

19. Reframe Failure

This can be done with a spin on words. Instead of stating that you have failed something which only serves to fuel the downward spiral towards depression and hopelessness, try reframing the failure in terms of what has been learnt from the mistake. What can be improved next time?

20. Speak in Clarity

Engage, influence and motivate. These are very powerful 3 little words indeed. Engaging an audience with sincerity, integrity and honesty is only as easy as you allow it to be. These aspects are all inter-related.

Paul McGee’s 20 steps towards succeeding with people is from his book “How to Succeed with People” which is published by Capstone. Read the book to find out the suggestions he makes for carrying out these 20 steps successfully.

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Universal Declaration of the 30 Basic Human Rights

“Human Rights” has become a well-known and popular term over the years. Since coming into effect by the United Nations in 1948 the Universal Declaration of the Human Rights Act has been referred to often and in many a context. But sadly many of us choose to remain ignorant of our basic rights as human beings. Knowing your rights allows you to safeguard yourself against all types of abuse as well as taking the protection of other people quite seriously.

Declaration of Human Rights Image

Declaration of Human Rights Image

The 30 Basic Human Rights:

We all have 30 basic human rights, according to the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, created by the United Nations in 1948 to provide a global understanding of how to treat individuals. Despite many stories of criminals abusing the rights act, the 30 basic human rights were initially created to provide a framework on how we should all treat others as well as having an expectation that we ourselves should be treated with the same respect as we give to each individual person or community.

Your behaviour towards other people is regulated by this list of rights and other people are expected to behave respectfully and kindly towards you too.

The Human Rights List:

Article 1: You have the right to freedom and for others to treat you with this respect as well as for you to treat others with respect for their freedom.

Article 2: You have the right to be treated equally despite differences in religion, culture, gender or skin colour etc.

Article 3: You have a right to life and to live in safety as well as with freedom

Article 4: You have the right to never be treated as a slave and neither should you keep anyone else in servitude

Article 5: You have the right never to be tortured, hurt or treated inhumanly or even degraded as a form of punishment

Article 6: You have the right to be treated equally by Law

Article 7: You are entitled to equal protection by the Law which is the same for everyone and as such should be applied the same way

Article 8: When your rights are not being respected you have the right to seek legal help

Article 9: You have the right not to be unjustly imprisoned or expelled from your Country

Article 10: You have the right to fair and public trials along with everyone else

Articles 11: You have the right to be considered innocent until proven guilty

Article 12: You have the right to seek help from the Law should anyone try to harm you. Nobody has the right to violate your home, intercept your correspondence or to bother you and your family without a valid reason

Article 13: You have the right to travel as you prefer

Article 14: You have the right to seek protection from your home Country in the event of persecution by asking another country to help you.

Article 15: You have the Right to belong to a Country therefore to have a Nationality. You cannot be prevented from belonging to another Country should you wish

Article 16: You have the right to get married and have a family

Article 17: You have the right to ownership of possessions and property

Article 18: You have the right to practice your religious beliefs and the right to change your religion should you wish in private or public

Article 19: You have the right to your own expression of opinion. You may think and say as you wish as well as having the freedom to impart and receive information

Article 20: You have the right to peacefully participate in meetings and join associations

Article 21: You have the right to participate in the participation or choosing of a Government in your Country

Article 22: You have the right to opportunities to develop your skills and a right to social security

Article 23: You have the right to join a trade union and to work in a safe environment for a fair wage in the choice of your employment

Article 24: You have a right to rest and leisure time

Article 25: You have the right for medical help and a an adequate standard of living which includes your complete well-being such as housing, food and clothing

Article 26: You have the right to a school education which must include the full development of your human personality, including the promotion of understanding and tolerance of all the different communities and groups to enhance peace

Article 27: You have the right to fully participate in your community and cultural life

Article 28: You must respect the “social order” for all the rights to be available

Article 29: You must respect the rights of everyone equally, the public at large as well as the community

Article 30: You have the right to keep the rights in this declaration without the fear of them being removed

Don’t remain ignorant, educate yourself and pass on these facts for other people to live a life of quality instead of having to face needless situations of fear. This type of education is priceless. Using this knowledge well without abusing your rights is one of the key factors in living a balanced life.

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