Recently I read a fantastic no nonsense and thoroughly straightforward book by Paul McGee entitled “How to Succeed with People”. It was such a lovely,easy read and before I knew it I had reached the finish line! I would like to share with you some of the basic points which Paul makes and which resonated well with my evolving into a more confident and well motivated person.
All this despite the fact that I have been a recluse most of my life and even my daughter has described me as “lacking social manners!” I tried to argue this point but to no avail…anyway on a practical note lets go on to read about….
How to be a People Magnet
Remarkably easy ways to engage, influence and motivate almost anyone:
1. People Cannot be Fixed.
In many cases we can only support or help people but we cannot fix them. Even though many of us would love to fix other people, we can only change and moderate our own thinking and behaviour. At best we are able to influence people, not fix them.
2. SAD Self Awareness Deficiency Syndrome
I can instantly relate with this. We as individuals cannot accurately assess our own self-awareness simply because this area highlights the lack of self-awareness. We can however assess the feedback we receive from others and decide where we can improve ourselves.
3. Some People won’t Change
Or refuse to change as the case may be. You just have to accept this and also I think we can decide to ask ourselves, “Am I willing to change?”
4. Intelligent People do Stupid Things
Yes this is true as intelligence has little to do with our actions. When many of us are drowned is stressful situations, we can have a tendency to revert to old behaviour which does not serve us well and can in fact hinder our progress.
5. You Get What You Tolerate
If you put up with bad behaviour you get back continued bad behaviour. As individuals we can set the standard of acceptable behaviour we choose to tolerate. Otherwise it is easy to become a victim to bad treatment from other people.
6. Humiliation is for Amateurs
Humiliating other people is certainly an unacceptable form of feedback. Usually those who chose to humiliate are insecure themselves, lacking the ability to give a fellow human the respect they deserve. Or in some instances the humiliating person may lack the social skills needed to interact suitably.
7. Being Nice Won’t Always Work
Sometimes you have to put your foot down. When we are nice all the time to everyone, we can easily be taken advantage of in which case you have to be blunt and protect yourself against the not so good people out these.
8. It Takes Two to Tango
Take responsibility for your actions and behaviour because it is not always the fault of the other person. Ask yourself what you may have said or done to produce the reaction you are receiving from the other person or what difficult situation that person may be feeling at that given moment.
9. No Investment Always Guarantees No Return
Don’t expect something if you have not invested in anything. If you want a good return then you must be prepared to invest your time and effort at the very least to get a return of any kind.
10. Set High but Realistic Expectations
Be real and combine this with your high expectations and dreams. If you set too high expectations you are in actual fact setting yourself up for failure.
11. Let Sleeping Dogs Lie
Sometimes you just have to let things be the way they are and not disturb. Weigh up if it is worth wasting your energy on something not quite worthwhile.
12. Attitude Matters
Yes it does and you will know this for certain if you have been reading this blog on a regular basis! Go type in attitude in the search box!
13. Let Go of the Need to be Right
It is preferable and tempting to be right but do you really need to prove this point? If you are right and you know you are right, does it always matter that the rest of the world needs to know this?
14. Treat People the Way They Want to be Treated
Believe it or not, it is not the wish of everyone to be treated as you wish to be treated. Of course the basic aspects such as kindness to others are universal but needless to say treating other people differently is due to each person’s individual preferences differing considerably from one another.
15. Get Involved in other People’s Worlds
Getting involved in the world of another person takes you away from your own issues and problems. It also allows you to connect with the other person at their level and not only to understand them better but to be able to sympathise when they experience difficulties.
16. Learn to use Constructive Criticism
It is very easy to offer advice and be critical of others but instead of hurting the feelings of others learn to use tactful approaches. Criticism can be positive feedback when it is constructive. Any other form tends to only hurt people.
17. Listen to Other People
This is good communication skill and helps other people to get along with you better. By listening you show respect and understanding. You are in a better placed to make informed decisions simply because you understand and know what is going on around you.
18. Make People feel S.P.E.C.I.A.L
Each initial stands for something significant which is self explanantory: 1. Serve, 2. Personalised, 3. Encourage, 4. Courtesy, 5. Interest, 6. Appreciation, 7. Listen.
19. Reframe Failure
This can be done with a spin on words. Instead of stating that you have failed something which only serves to fuel the downward spiral towards depression and hopelessness, try reframing the failure in terms of what has been learnt from the mistake. What can be improved next time?
20. Speak in Clarity
Engage, influence and motivate. These are very powerful 3 little words indeed. Engaging an audience with sincerity, integrity and honesty is only as easy as you allow it to be. These aspects are all inter-related.
Paul McGee’s 20 steps towards succeeding with people is from his book “How to Succeed with People” which is published by Capstone. Read the book to find out the suggestions he makes for carrying out these 20 steps successfully.
For more information: PaulMcGee’s website: www.TheSumoGuy.com Image Source:
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